What If?

There are days when I think to myself that had I made different decisions in my life that I would be where I want to.

I know many of us sit there thinking, "What If?" I know I do.

I told myself that once I hit 35 that I wanted to be trying for a baby.

I'm 16 days out from 35 and I still don't get that because it's not just my decision.

Sure, I could be like a lot of girls and just trap the other person. (If this hurts your feelings then you're probably one of those girls)

I want things done right. I've done a lot of messed up things in my life and I want to do things better.

So how do I get the "what ifs" to stop?

I'm not really sure on that.

After weeks and weeks of doing my 4th step, I've come to realize a lot of things.

You never really know how much stuff you suppress until you have to do a moral inventory of yourself.

It brings up a lot of crap you'd rather forget.

That week I wasn't saying "what if" because I knew what would have happened if things had gone another way.

So do I regret anything in my past?

No. I can't. It's already done with.

I know what I want in life and what I don't want.

I know that I don't want to be the type of woman who traps a guy and then takes him for everything he's worth.

Although to be honest, I feel like that's the only way girls get what they want.

That's the easy way though.

I've never been one to make things easy on myself though.

I've always done it the hard way.

I try to get away from the "what ifs" because if I focus on what could have happened then I'll miss out on what is happening.

I'm tired of living my life in the past.