Self Image

One thing through my experience from alcoholism to sobriety to ninja training that I have noticed is the way my body has changed.

I think every girl looks at themselves and then starts to pick themselves apart.

While I was in active alcoholism, I had this sense of what I thought was self-love and self-confidence. That wasn't the case at all.

When I got sober, it was really hard to look at myself in the mirror because I hated the person I was looking at in the mirror.

My self-image to myself was that this woman had destroyed so many lives that it was absolutely disgusting.

Fast forward to Ninja training and basically going to the gym every day, it took me a lot to look at myself the way I do now.

When I started working out every day and growing muscle, I hated the way my body looked.

I am already a tall and broad woman that my shoulders looked more manly than anything. I hated wearing tank tops, I hated wearing dresses that showed my shoulders and I hated how broad I looked in my clothes.

My legs started to grow more muscle and to me they looked uneven.

Now today, I pick at why I have scars on my face (picking pimples will do that) and why isn't my stomach flat.

Those are two things I am having the most trouble with right now.

Reality is though that I will be 35 in May. I am not going to look like the girl I looked like 10 years ago.

I am working on my body not only to train for Ninja but to be a healthier version of myself.

I think as women and I'm sure some men look at themselves and just pick everything about them apart.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

We have people looking at us and watching how we are with ourselves.

If we are constantly putting ourselves down and saying negative things to ourselves about our body or our image, then that is what we will start to believe.

I recently had a conversation with one of my coaches and she explained to me that she used to do that. She was never happy with her body and then she finally decided enough was enough.

A lot of people struggle with this stuff alone and sometimes those thoughts can make you feel like you aren't good enough.

We are constantly trying to be better than another woman and wanting to keep ourselves pretty or "up to date" on the whole Botox or tummy trends.

I have someone in my life who loves me regardless of how I look. It was nice to hear him say that for a woman who is almost 35 that I am still very much attractive.

That made me feel so amazing.

So why don't we say that to ourselves every single day?

As women, I think we need to be our own cheerleaders and build ourselves up.

Think about how good you feel when someone tells you how pretty you are or they give you a compliment on anything you might be wearing.

Compliment yourself daily even if it is just telling yourself that you are good enough.

Because you are!