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Let's Be Real

In the last couple of weeks, my life has been very busy. Although, starting tomorrow my life will be even busier which will be good for me. I am looking forward to that so much.

On July 30, 2021, I got to compete in first ever UNAA World Finals in Las Vegas. It was such an amazing experience. I got to meet ninjas that I follow on Instagram, I got to meet Ninjas from the ANW show and I got to volunteer and be part of that community.

One thing I was so nervous about was not being able to stay sober in Vegas. Even though I have over 8 years sober, I know that at any moment I can relapse. I made sure to make myself aware of that fact.

I worked my butt off to get to that place and it was a HUGE accomplishment for me. I honestly thought that showing that side of my life that maybe just maybe it would be good enough to be shown off.

Sadly though in my life that isn't the case. In my family, we have a TON of babies (no exaggeration) and that is amazing. I have always been one to love kids and when I was younger that is what I thought I wanted.

I came to the realization though after the World Finals that my accomplishments would never measure up to the patterns that have been set in my family. Which is sad, because that was a huge milestone for me in my athletic career.

It has been made clear by a lot of people that you will never be happy or have a fulfilled life until you become a mother. For me, at this moment in my life, that just is not for me. I have always been shown that you graduate high school, have a kid and then take care of that kid.

I think that God knew what he was doing by not giving me a child at such a young age.

A lot of people may not realize this and they may get upset for reading this but it needs to be said. The guy that I was with when I graduated, had I had a kid with him (while still being an alcoholic) I wouldn't have been able to raise that child. It would have been taken away.

Moving out of my hometown and that small mind mentality is what has opened the doors for me. I got sober moving out of that town. I made a life here for myself. I am chasing my dreams and getting to figure out who I am. That is an accomplishment in itself.

I do not need little ones running around right now to make me happy. Hell, I try to stay out of my hometown because it is just too much. They may not realize this but it being a small town, I still find out what they say to other people. What pisses me off the most is they have no right to. Especially when it involves my relationship.

I have been working on myself and my life to make sure that I don't have the anger, the misery, the regret or the resentment that comes along with that culture. I see and hear a lot more than they think.

Don't get me wrong, I still have support from a few of them. It is funny though that you get more support from strangers than you do from those closest to you. At the World Finals, I could not be more happy with the support that I had there with me.

I got told about a week ago that I expect too much from people. That is 100% accurate. I expect people to support me the way that I do them. That is why I have decided that if you are not there on the journey with me then I do not want you at the end of that journey.

I have made small steps to cut that toxicity out because not only is it not good for my mental health but it is also not good for my sobriety.

My sobriety, goals and dreams are what I am working towards the most and I will be damned if anyone deters me from them.

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