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I'm here to make me happy.

In the start of January I had no idea that this year would open my eyes so much to the things around me. I have always been one to close my eyes and ears to everything and act as if nothing in the world was wrong. There are so many things wrong though. When I take a step back and look at everything around me, I notice a lot of the time that I am alone in the things I do. I strive to do better and make myself happy the way I want to be happy. My goals are not what everyone expected for me, yet they are mine and I could not be more proud of myself for each one I have worked hard for and earned.

This last week I recently deactivated my Facebook account since it was always temporary that I had it. Watching day in and day out the negativity that surrounds that social media was ridiculous. It also showed me though where I stood with certain people. It was like having my heart ripped out of my chest every single day that I was on there. There were things I enjoyed about it because I still got to continue my workouts on there with my gym. That is one thing I will not take for granted ever. My gym family has been so amazing and supportive with everything I am trying to accomplish. They are always there to cheer me on and critique my stuff to make me better.

When you do not have a strong support system in your corner it is hard to strive to do better. It is not fair when you constantly have people putting your accomplishments down, telling you that your life would be much more fulfilled being a mom and/or wife and only being there for the picture perfect moments to be caught on camera. I do have someone who has been there the ENTIRE way behind the scenes cheering me on and pushing me to achieve the greatness I was meant for. Those are the moments that are not caught on camera. It is a hard thing to realize that those people who are only there for the picture perfect moments, you no longer want to share that joy with them.

I have worked my butt off for the last 4 years to achieve something that I never thought I was capable of. I have also worked my butt off for the last 7 years and 5 months to continue to stay sober. Where are those people when I am struggling with school or sobriety? People never want to be there for the hard struggles unless it benefits them but you can be damn sure they are there when it is time to capture the moment of the achievement. It is sad to think that I will not want to share those moments again because sometimes my goals were never supported in the first place. Those achievements and goals are what make me happy. I do not believe that I need to fit someone else's mold of me to make them happy. I will do what makes me happy and in the long run I will be happy because I chose to do what I wanted to do not what someone else wanted for me.

I have to always remember that the road less traveled may be harder but in the end it is always worth it. I will not do what is easy. I will do what I feel is right for myself and my future. I have my own dreams and goals that I still want to accomplish in my life. So that is what I will do. I will go out and accomplish everything I have ever set my mind to!

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