Happy 33rd To Me!

For the last 5 years I have not thought about alcohol when it is my birthday. The first two years were pretty hard being sober during my birthday because I was younger. Today when I went to dinner, I kept thinking to myself how nice it would be if I could just control it. During the quarantine, it has been hard to stay extremely strong. I do know though that I am stronger than my addiction. Today I let that the bad wolf inside try to influence me to think it was okay to drink. I feel like a lot of people have misconceptions about recovering alcoholics. I know that I have been sober for 7 years and many people believe that it should be "out of my system". That is not how addiction works though. This is not something that I can just get over. It is something that I will be fighting every day for the rest of my life.

In the last year, especially during quarantine, I have learned to enjoy my own company. It is no one else's responsibility to make me happy. I must do that on my own. So today, I took myself out to lunch and dinner. For dinner, I dressed up in a nice romper pantsuit and went out to a nice restaurant. I feel like most of us depend on other people to make us happy and then end up being extremely bitter. Some days I think that if someone cannot stand to be around themselves then why would someone else want to be around them. It is all about making yourself happy. When I say that, I mean you make yourself happy the way you are happy not the way someone else wants you to be happy. That is one of the lessons I have learned this year.

I do believe though that we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be 7 years sober. I got told today that I need to make myself happy for me and that is something I have fought so hard to do. In the last year, I have finally decided to cut things out of my life I no longer want or will deal with. I have also put my dedication to things I am really passionate about that are completely off the path of what I have seen growing up. Regardless of whether or not my path leads to greatness, I will always be grateful that I fought hard for what I want.