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Feeling Blessed

It has been a busy few weeks.

So many things have happened that have made me look at everything I have and just smile.

A few weeks ago I picked up my key to my new space for the gym.

I honestly thought that throughout this process that I would be super emotional.

There have been days when those emotions come and then there are days when I really don't believe that this is happening.

To know that so many people believe in me and are rooting for me is unbelievable.

I seriously do have the best support team.

As I go through all of the meetings, the searching of the right obstacles, reaching out to other ninja gyms and just searching things myself; I notice that there is so much more than what I thought.

I do get a little overwhelmed. Sometimes I think there should be an adult following me around telling me what to do. Literally.

To think that if I wasn't sober that I wouldn't be doing this.

That wasn't a me thing. That was a GOD thing.

Throughout everything I do, I want to make sure that I praise Him for everything He has given me. I seriously couldn't do this without him.

I have also been reminded that there is a community behind me and here to support me.

The ninja community has become my family and if anyone is in the ninja community then they know.

My family has been by my side helping me and supporting me throughout this process. My mom has been absolutely amazing.

She makes sure to remind me that I can do this.

Mike has always been one of my biggest backers too. I constantly second guess myself and he is always there to remind me that I am making a difference in the kids lives.

There's two people in my life who I could not do this without. For them to believe in my dream and this gym is amazing.

The gym that I am building for anyone who comes in should be an amazing experience.

So, gym talk is done.... Now on to some other things.

69 days ago I started 75 Hard again.

This time around has been harder than the first because of the things I have switched up since the first time.

From my diet to the way I rest has changed a lot.

The first time I did 75 Hard, I posted everything on social media. This time around I decided to not do that because of the judgement I got from so many people.

I decided to keep that stuff to myself like I do many things.

I have started to not post as much personal stuff on my public account.

The personal stuff now stays on my private IG account, which only people I know well are allowed on.

There's only 6 days left this time around and I am ready to be done with it because mentally I am exhausted.

I thought this would help with my grief but it really hasn't.

There are days when I am okay and then I have days where it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest all over again.

We are in the month where my Dad was sick and the memories that are popping up are hard to look at.

I miss that man so much.

It's true what they say about grief.

Some days I feel like I am going through the 5 stages of grief over and over.

Losing a parent sucks. I would never wish for someone to go through that.

We are two weeks out from when he passed and I am not ready for that.

I know that I am not dealing with my grief and honestly I am waiting for that breakdown.

It's hard.

With everything that is going on in life though, I am grateful and I do feel blessed.

I have tried to make sure that I thank God for at least one thing a day. Sometimes it's multiple times a day.

I try to stay positive and sometimes that is hard.

One thing I recently prayed for was for God to humble me and when you ask for that, He delivers.

This journey that I am has barely begun and I pray every day that He shows me what my purpose is.

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