In my entire life I have never had a time in my life where I thought, "The dream I have is going to come true."
In the last couple of years though, almost all of my dreams have come true.
I then start to think about the things I am possibly giving up by all those dreams coming true.
One of my biggest dreams in the last five years has been to get on American Ninja Warrior.
Even though I did not get the call this year for Season 17, I did get the next best thing.
At the end of September, I got to go Vegas and test for American Ninja Warrior.
Not only did I get to go test but I got to experience it with some of my favorite people and my Ninja best friend.
I never realized that by being a tester that I would get to touch more of the obstacles than I would on the show.
The experience was absolutely amazing. We got to spend time on the set and even experience filming. Hint: You might see me a few times on the sidelines (June 2025).
Everything was an experience that I never imagine possible.
I can't give details because we were told no pictures or videos on social media to show anything pertaining to the show.
Maybe next year I will be on the show. If not, I will hopefully be another tester.
All these big things that have happened in the last couple of years also make me think that I have to give up other things I want in order for that to open.
Having kids. Building a family. All of the other things that I have wanted in my life.
All those things feel like they will never be a thing.
No one ever tells you that having your dreams come true also means that you are going to be so exhausted ALL the time and so down on yourself.
Half the days I spend thinking I am failure at a lot of this while other days I am putting a smile on my face to try to stay happy.
Everyone told me it would be hard work. I didn't think it would be this hard.
I know that if I was in Carlsbad I would have a lot of help with it. Being away from my family, it's hard to not have a whole lot of people I can call.
I do have to say though that I have become friends with some of my adult clients and I love it!
If it wasn't for some of these women, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
Having a community who is there for me definitely helps.
To catch y'all up on what else has been going on in my life. I quit the gym I was going to.
It was hard getting there all the time. Also, I got anxiety every time I went there.
When I talked to someone about it, they said it could possibly be the grief anxiety I had.
Like drinking, I had to switch people, places and things.
I never thought that was a thing, but I guess it was.
I still get anxiety going to a lot of different places, but my anxiety hasn't been as bad here lately.
The anxiety comes when I don't want it to.
On other fronts of my life, well, I will keep those to myself because there are some things I won't share on here after they happen.
I have enough people creating a narrative of my life for me (or stalking me on FB ;) I see y'all). Thanks for all the views too!!
They definitely help.
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