A New Perspective
Through sobriety and recovery, as an alcoholic I have learned to see things somewhat differently. (Not always the case though). I have spent so many years trying to find a sponsor who understands my situation as well as everything I have/am going through. I finally found her. Through our steps of AA, we go through so many things that we would rather forget. I know I would love to forget a lot of it.
We discover new character defects or new insights to why we think the way we do. I know a few things here lately have had me feeling very bitter. I guess it isn't so much things as it is people.
I say things that I believe need to be said and some people don't like that about me. Which is fine, to each their own. I won't quit saying them though just because someone gets their feelings hurt.
I have had to look at what my life used to be and what my life is now and see how I ended up here. Hard-work and determination is why I am where I am. I worked my butt off for years to get this life that I am slowly getting.
Recovery isn't a race. You get there when you get there. Just like life isn't a race. We get married when we decided we have the right person in life. We have kids we know that is what we want and with the right person in the right time. We make a career for ourselves because that is what we are passionate about.
Too many times I have let people try to tell me what I want out of life or what I need. The only person who knows what I want and what I need is me. It took me years to realize what I want and what I need. I finally know those answers.
I have looked at life the way everyone I knew looked at it and I was miserable. In recovery, I get to look at life with a new perspective. I can finally think for myself and know that I am doing what I want. Even if it is not a popular decision, I don't care. I am doing those things for myself.
Now that I am getting back to my recovery, I can start feeling at ease more. I can start feeling like myself or at least that is what I am hoping for. I have had ups and downs the last 6 months to a year and not only has it taken a toll on me mentally but it has also taken a toll on my relationship.
I need to fix this or at least find coping mechanisms for it. I need to let go of the bitterness I have with people. That is easier said than done because when I try to talk to those people they are so stubborn that they don't care to hear what I have to say. I think talking to someone on how to communicate with people like that will help.
I want to have good relationships with these people but they don't even put in the effort to try and it makes me care even less. I get called selfish because I gave up trying. I'm not selfish, I just don't want to try when they won't even try to have a good relationship with me.
A new perspective is what I need. In this next week I am hoping that I can at least start to see one. I'll keep you posted!!