A Great Man

It is hard to put into words the great man my dad was to not only me but to my siblings and everyone as well. I've been told that it gets better. When?

I don't see it getting better any time soon and it's so hard. I miss his voice. I miss his laugh. I miss his hugs. I miss him telling me, "I don't know, Kendra."

As a girl, you look up to your dad if you're lucky enough to have a great one.

I was lucky enough to have that.

My dad was the best dad ever. He was always there for us regardless of if he agreed with us or not.

He loved watching my Ninja competitions when I sent them to him. He absolutely loved telling me what I could improve on.

I was his "little Ninja."

In the last month, I have had to accept facts that I never wanted to.

I spent the last month with my brother and sisters and going thru something that we prayed for time and time again to not happen.

I miss him more than anything.

My dad was full of love and he always made sure to tell us how much he loved us.

I want that in a partner. I want a great man as a partner.

Eventually I will have that. Someone who loves hard just like my dad did.

He set the bar pretty high for me.

I sit here and I watch these videos of him and listen to his voice over and over.

I would give anything to have a hug from him right now.

I am so angry. I don't understand it at all.

He was a good man. So, why him?

He loved so much. So, why him?

So how am I dealing with this while being sober?

It's hard. I won't lie. I do want to drink. I know my dad wouldn't want that for me though.

I don't want to be around people at all. Secluding myself isn't healthy but I can't deal with the overwhelming feeling of seeing so many people right now.

His service was hard enough.

Everyone says he will be with me all the time. That's not the same thing.

No one prepares you for this.

It sucks.

I miss him so much.