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A Crazy Life

Life is about to get crazy in the next 6 months.

I'm scared, nervous and excited.

I feel like even when you think you're prepared for things you still aren't.

It should be interesting.....

As I do this blog while I'm doing my 2nd workout for 75 hard. It's hard not to think about everything that is going on in my life right now.

These nightly walks give me a moment of self reflection and help me decide what I want to do.

Although those decisions aren't always made.

They say that 75 hard is more of a mental challenge than it is a physical challenge.

That is actual facts.

Here lately I have had more trouble with my grief than I have have had in the last 3 months.

I sit here and think about the things that my dad is going to be missing out on.

Especially in this next year since there's going to be so many life changing things coming up.

He doesn't get to see how I handle the situations I'll be dealing with.

He doesn't get to see me become something I've been wanting for the last few years.

It's hard.

I've never been one to make things easy on myself though.

I know that I've been making my life so busy that I barely have time to just relax.

I think subconsciously I did that on purpose.

If I keep myself so busy then I don't have time to focus on what's really bothering me or the real life situations I've been going thru or will be going thru.

That will eventually come back to bite me in the ass.

Luckily, I didn't resort back to things that weren't good for me thru this process.

Believe me, I wanted to more than anything.

I've stayed sober thru far.

I do think that I may go back to Celebrate Recovery to help with that process.

I'm starting to think that AA just isn't for me.

I've had so many bad experiences with AA that I'm just not sure I want to be there anymore.

I get told that I'm worried about this whole Sober Ninja identity but that's who I am and that is actually helping keep me sober.

The things that keep me so "selfishly busy" as someone said it is what's keeping me sober.

I will do whatever it takes to make sure to keep that stuff going.

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