Today I celebrate 8 years sober. It is hard to say what did it for me this time around. I know people say that if you get sober for someone else then you do not stay sober for long. You must really want it for yourself. For this being the second time around for me, I think that it was more special and important to me. There must have been a part of me that knew that I could do this but there was always a tiny voice in my head doubting that. Even now to this day it is still there but it is very faint.
It is amazing to see the things that I have accomplished because of my sobriety. For an alcoholic to go another year without drinking is just plain badass to me. Yes, on my sober birthday I do feel like a badass. I do not get too cocky or over-confident because I know that at any point there is a possibility of a relapse. That does scare me because I am not sure if I could survive another relapse.
It would be wrong if I said that I did this all by myself. I did not. I had help. I had someone pushing me the entire time. For that, I could not be more thankful for him. Sometimes I take him for granted. I know that he was there for me throughout the entire time of my addiction as well as my recovery. To this day, he is still there for me. I am so thankful that God put him in my life. I love him more than he will ever know.
Being in active addiction, I was always so selfish. All I cared about was getting what I want and screw everyone else. Being in recovery has taught me that it is not always about me. I hurt so many people in the process of everything that now I am trying to mend things not just within myself but also my relationship that I destroyed. I say that I lost so many friends after I got sober, but they were not really my friends in the first place. I am thankful that they left on their own though because it made my recovery a lot easier.
The things I have gained from being sober has been worth all the pain and tears I went through to get here. I love the life I live even on the horrible days. It is an amazing feeling to be able to wake up knowing that I stayed sober another day. I have gained my confidence back as well as SO much money! I am starting to become the woman that I was meant to be. I no longer wake up craving to just get drunk to forget things. I have learned to cope (somewhat) with things that are completely out of my control.
One thing I have enjoyed is being able to show Mike that I was worth putting the work into. Even though I am still a huge pain in the ass sometimes, but I have made so much progress. It is an awesome feeling knowing that someone loves me that much to want to put in the work to help me become a better version of myself. I am glad that the first time I got sober that I was given that ultimatum. I am beyond grateful that he showed me what my life would be like sober. I love him so much for that.
As I celebrate this year, I look back on what brought me to this point and how I thought that I was better off drinking rather than getting sober. My sobriety has become apart of who I am, and I love that it has taught me so many lessons. I continue to learn those lessons daily and I love that I continue to learn so many things about myself throughout this process. Today will be such an amazing day because I will choose to stay sober.
WE DO RECOVER!!