A lot can happen in 7 days. So many things could go wrong. The stress of even an hour of the day can make someone want to say, "enough is enough." I feel like every alcoholic or addict knows this feeling all too well.
I have had many of these moments in the last year and yet I continue to stay sober. The last year hasn't been exactly my year, but it has brought me so many new experiences, lessons and joy.
The experiences I have been able to experience could not have been done if I were still an active alcoholic. I am grateful for the days I get to spend with my nieces and nephews. The weekends I get to go and compete at Ninja courses. The days I get with Mike because he actually loves to spend time with me.
I never fully looked at what those days would be like had I not quit drinking. I remember being around the kids. I never had a dream back then, except to not end up like the rest of my family. I remember that I had so much fun with Mike, but our days were spent with me causing a lot of issues.
Those can sometimes be the lessons we learn though. In recovery, I know the kind of people I want in my life. I know what I will and will not tolerate. Recently, I had a "friend" who got dumped by her boyfriend, kicked out of her parent's house and was left on the streets.
She called me crying about all this stuff she had gone through. She had been 5 months sober and yeah that is amazing. She also didn't realize that people would still look at her as a drug addict. To a recovering alcoholic or addict, 5 months is a lifetime. To the people you've manipulated and lied to, 5 months isn't anything.
I gave her tips on what to do. I tried to help her. It doesn't matter though how much you sit there and try to help someone, if they are co-dependent on a toxic person they will go back to that every time. She did. She went back to that toxic person. An evil narcissistic manipulator. Here is the thing though, the lesson I learned on that is that people like her don't want a real friend. They want someone who will boost up their ego and tell them what they are doing is the right thing.
I believe that anyone who truly wants help will find a way to listen to those real friends. Cutting her out of my life was the best thing I could have done. It is something that I learned from my sponsor as well. When one person doesn't want the help and the truth, you move on to someone who does.
Does it suck that I learned that lesson? No, it is not. It helped show me what kind of "friend" that person was.
Another lesson I learned this year was that sometimes you have to keep things you are doing for yourself to yourself. Not everyone wants you to win and sometimes your family is the worst about it. I have had to cut emotions from certain people and it sucked at first but I am better for it I believe.
I don't want the mentality like a lot of my family has. That is one thing I have made sure to get away from. I don't want stuff like that to be "normal" when I have kids and have a family of my own.
The joys I have been given this year have been the smiles on people's faces. Coaching kids in Ninja has been such an enjoyment for me and watching them progress. A huge joy that I have received this year is seeing the smile on Mike's face and knowing that I am finally showing him I am not that girl from 5, 6, 8 or 10 years ago.
People think it is stupid that my life isn't how it "should" be. One thing I have learned in recovery is that it takes someone a LONG time to get over the hurt, the lies and the manipulation from an alcoholic. I don't mind spending the rest of my life showing that.
7 days until I hit 9 years sober. Something I never thought I would accomplish. Hell, I didn't even think I would make it the first year. I did.
I know that I can make it another 7 days for that 9 years of sobriety.